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Do you need motivation to quit? Read this true story!!
| Sentencing |
| 03.30.04 (6:26 pm) |
| I'm so tired. Drained, is a better word. My mom called me at work this morning. My sister went to court and was sentenced (for what, I don't know.) She will be spending a year in prison. Very disturbing to me. She has spent up to 6 months in jail before, but she's never been to prison. I can not even imagine what must be going through her head tonight. I would be terrified. I guess I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it's good that she's going to be locked up for a year. She won't be able to do crystal meth, and she'll have food and shelter. On the other hand, as mad as I am at her, she's still my sister and I wonder how scared and lonely she may be feeling right now. Yes, she did this to herself, but it's just sad. I hope this is her breaking point. I hope this is the point at which she climbs her way out of the hole. They can't tell us where they're sending her, or when for security reasons. We'll find out when she's there. If this doesn't wake her up, I think nothing will. |
| 1 Comments |
| Smirnoff Induced Rant |
| 03.28.04 (11:15 am) |
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It's 1:54 on a Sunday afternoon and I've already had a few Smirnoff Ice's (I love this stuff!!) I don't normally drink. As a matter of fact, these have been in my fridge for 2 months if that tells you how often I drink. So why am I drinking today? Because I'm pissed and I don't want to be. Here's the thing. Andre's birthday was March 20 (my baby turned 11!) My mom, who is getting custody of my nephew said that while she has visitation with Ryan (my nephew) this weekend, she would like to take the boys to Cosi. (I don't know if there's a Cosi in every state, but what it is, is a science center for kids. It's a very cool hands on place.) Today was the day we were supposed to go. I got a phone call this morning from my mom while she was dropping a few of Ryan's friends off. She told me that she would call my when she got home and was ready to pick us up. Oh, and by the way, Ryan invited his mom to go too. I'm sorry, but I am not about to spend the day with my drug selling, con artist, thief, slut sister. I am furious with Jeni (my sister.) I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving. At that time, my mom had just had a biopsy and my sister knew that. She was later diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have it removed and go through radiation. The thing is, Jeni never called my mom to see how the biopsy turned out. I did call her cell once and said "Do you even fucking care that your mother has fucking cancer?" That was the last correspondence I've had with her. I have since written my sister off. I no longer have a sister. That girl has lied to me, stolen from me, put me in bad situations, turned her back on her family, lost her son...the list goes on. This isn't something new for her. She's 33 years old and has been like this since she was 15. I'm done. I do not want that in my life, or Andre's life. My mom did call me back and I told her that we would not be going today. I said that it would not be a good thing because I know that as soon as I see Jeni, I'm telling her how it is. I didn't want to do that on a day we were supposed to be celebrating Andre's birthday. I know damn well that the ONLY reason Jeni is coming around again (after not speaking to anyone for 3 months) is because my mom starts back at work next week and she'll never be home. My mom is a landscaper and is laid off every winter but works long hours all spring and summer. Jeni knows this. And somehow she found out that my mom is getting custody of Ryan. I'm sorry about the rant. And I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense but I needed to vent somewhere!! |
| 1 Comments |
| Screening |
| 03.27.04 (12:43 pm) |
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What a day yesterday. I have a balcony off my bedroom and I got it in my head that I wanted it screened in and I wanted outdoor carpet on it. I was driving to Lowes to buy some screen and a staple gun and when I stopped at a red light some girl started honking at me. When I looked at her she started yelling that my 2 brake lights aren't working, only the middle one is. I thanked her and went to the nearest auto store. I bought brake lights and asked one of the clerks if he knew how to install them. He came out to the car and pulled one of the brake lights out then told me that it's not the bulbs. He said it was probably my brake switch. So, from there I drove to Sears auto and asked them if they could take a look. Well, nobody there is qualified to work on the elctronics. I came home. I opened up my fuse panel and took every fuse out to check them and they were all good. So, I called Monroe. They said I could bring the car in and they would look at it in an hour. I went to Monroe and explained everything to them and they said that they couldn't do anything with the wiring, but they would look anyway. They guy came out to the car and had me push the brakes. He said that it probably wasn't the wiring since the middle light worked. He asked for one of the bulbs I bought earlier. He put it in and sure enough it worked. Strange, both bulbs went out at the same time, but then again, they were installed at the same time. After all that, I finally made it to Lowes and bought my screen. My balcony is now screened in and has outdoor carpet nailed down. Thank goodness that girl told me before I got pulled over or caused an accident!! |
| 1 Comments |
| Reach Out |
| 03.26.04 (8:17 am) |
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About 6 months ago I stumbled across a website about a girl who lost her best friend to suicide. I emailed her and shared my story. When I was a teenager I attempted suicide. Through the years, I have learned to love life and see things in a different way. She asked if she could share my story on her site, as hope for those who are suicidal. I told her she could, then forgot all about it. Until 2 days ago. I received an email from a girl who read my story. She explained how she feels and how she has planned her suicide. I responded to her the best way I knew how. I told her that I do understand how she feels, that I can identify with everything she said. I also told her that I'm so thankful that I never went through with it. There is life after depression. I don't know how much I've impacted her. I know she's left quite an impact on me. I hope that by hearing there's hope from someone who has been there helps her. I hope she replies. Really I think she just needed someone who understands to tell her that she's not weird or crazy. That her pain is very real and she's not alone. If you know somebody who is depressed, please understand that their pain is very real to them, even if it seems small or trivial to you. Know that you can not make them snap out of it. You can not fix their problems. Listen to them. Let them open up to you again and again. A depressed/suicidal person needs to be heard, and they need to know that what they're feeling is not abnormal. Too often, people run away from depressed people when they need someone the most. I know it's not easy to listen sometimes, but letting a depressed person express their feelings is so valuable. Don't try to fix them. They have to find it in themselves. I know that may sound harsh, but it's true. Help them find it by offering positive energy. You can help them see the good things, but don't expect them to see it overnight. It takes time. Remind them that there is life after depression. Let them know that they CAN work through this and once they do, they will come out a better, stronger person. I know because I've been through some really hard times. I tried to kill myself and was in the hospital for a week. I used to cut myself to take away from the emotional pain. I got to the point were I was more comfortable crying than I was laughing. I didn't think there was any hope. But I worked through it (thank you, my wonderful husband who was my support system...) I am so thankful that I worked through it because now I can feel joy and peace. No matter how depressed a person is and how bad things are, there is always hope. |
| 0 Comments |
| I'm Going To See MADONNA!!!! |
| 03.23.04 (10:18 pm) |
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Yep!! I got tickets today through the fan club pre-sale. I am so psyched!! It's the "Re-Invention Tour." Pictures moved to My Photo Blog I have been a huge fan since the fifth grade (that was way back in 1984.) I've never seen her live. You wouldn't believe what I went through today. It was so stupid. Pre-sales for Chicago opened at 1:00 my time (12:00 CST). Being over-anxious as always and stressed about how fast I can do this, I thought it would be smart to test the system and get familiar with it. Knowing that tickets for the Paris show went on sale eariler, I logged in and reserved 2 tickets just to see. They asked for my billing address and shipping address. I didn't want to put in my REAL address because it was only a test run. So, I put in my maiden name and a made up street address (1234 Main St.) It was all good until the Chicago tickets opened up. I logged in 5 till 1 and kept hitting "refresh". When I got in the system, it took 14 minutes to secure seats. I went to purchase them and I got an error screen and lost the tickets. At that point I started to cry. Literally. I thought I had lost my only chance. But, somehow 2 more tickets got kicked back into the system at 1:30 and I got them. I made it to the info page, typed in all of the CORRECT info and continued. When it brought up my receipt, the fake info was on it. I freaked out. Here, I had paid for 2 tickets but with the wrong billing and shipping address. Luckily I called the company that sold the tickets and explained it to them and they changed everything. So now it's all good!! I'm going to Chicago on July 11th to see my girl!! I'm happy with the seats too....(I'm where the red star is.) Pictures moved to My Photo Blog But wait, there's more...Roscoe thought that since the tickets for the west coast shows opened up 2 hours later it would be cool to see if we could get better seats and trade for better seats in Chicago. He ended up buying 2 tickets for the L.A. show (which are decent seats too). So, now we have extra Madonna tickets. I think we're going to sell those for face value. I don't know. I don't care!! I'm going to see Madonna. I was crying from joy when it was all said and done. |
| 2 Comments |
| To Realize... |
| 03.19.04 (8:23 pm) |
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I just received this in my email and I wanted to share it. TO REALIZE To realize The value of a sister Ask someone Who doesn't have one. To realize The value of ten years: Ask a newly Divorced couple. To realize The value of four years: Ask a graduate. To realize The value of one year: Ask a student who Has failed a final exam. To realize The value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born. To realize The value of one month: Ask a mother who has Given birth to a premature baby. To realize The value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize The value of one hour: Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet. To realize The value of one minute: Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane. To realize The value of one-second: Ask a person Who has survived an accident. To realize The value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has Won a silver medal in the Olympics. To realize the value of a friend: Lose one. Time waits For no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special. |
| 1 Comments |
| Friday Five |
| 03.19.04 (11:35 am) |
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If you... 1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve? Mexican 2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell? Either Disney collectables, or ocean related stuff 3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be? Non-fiction about my life 4. ...ran a school, what would you teach? Web design 5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it? Madonna remixes |
| 0 Comments |
| Funny |
| 03.18.04 (9:22 pm) |
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I have two pet tadpoles. For Christmas my dad went to the Discovery Store and bought Andre a frog pond. They had to mail order the tadpoles and they finally arrived last week. Some how I have managed to keep these things alive so far. I read that they can live up to 5 years, and they will make a low croak that sounds like a snore. Oh goodie. I have to admit though, they are kind of cool. I was reading ceeceesun's blog today and she asked what the weirdest website you know of is. Then I remembered this one that had been posted on a message board about a year ago that I still haven't gotten over. It's weird, and funny. I have wasted a lot of time on here. If you're bored and want a laugh, go there and watch all of the cartoons. So, now I'm going to ask the same question ceeceesun asked. Do you know of any weird websites? Let me know!! |
| 0 Comments |
| Decisions, decisions |
| 03.18.04 (2:25 pm) |
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I have been thinking about this job all week and I think I have made a decision. I don't think I'm going to try for it. I know, it sounds crazy but let me explain. First of all, this job strictly deals with death. If it were a crime lab, it would be a no brainer...I'd try for it and not think twice. But it's not. It's a death investigator. I just don't know how many times I can see children or babies in there before I'm affected. Then there's the thing about it being part time. No medical benefits. OK, then I weigh this job against the job I have now...Yes, I don't like the work I do. It's not my dream job. BUT...I have awesome medical benefits for myself and my family and I'm covered by Aflac at no cost to me. And oh the perks!! I work 2-3 days a week, 3 weeks a month. I get 13 weeks off every year. They give everyone there $250 every 3 months for a "beauty allowance." We have to turn in our recipts but we're allowed to buy makeup, hair products, massages, vitamins, and anything else that falls in the "beauty or health" catagory. That's pretty sweet. But there's more...They take everyone on trips to orthodontic conventions. Last year they all went to Hawaii, next year they're taking everyone to San Francisco. all expense paid trips plus they give everyone spending money. And now there's more. Yesterday, my father in law/boss called a quick meeting to let us know they are going to be giving bonus's every 3 months based on work performance. He didn't say how much, just that it's very worth it. With the flexible hours, I can go back to school. I really want to be back in school and I can do that if I stay. I think I would be crazy to leave right now. Yes, this is a great opportunity for me to begin a career in what I trained for, but I'm not so sure that's what I want anymore. I cried last night trying to weigh out the benefits of both jobs. It's so hard. But I think I've made my decision. |
| 2 Comments |
| I love my computer!!!!! |
| 03.16.04 (3:18 pm) |
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I have never realized how much I rely on the internet until it was gone. I had no internet all weekend until this afternoon. I have been going nuts without it. No email, no nothing. And the one time I really NEED it. I wanted to get online and do a search for cover letters. I have to write a cover letter to apply for this job, and I have no idea how to write one. I also needed to get on to print out an application. Couldn't do either. My phone was messed up too, but that didn't bother me nearly as much. I got on my computer and cleaned out files, defragmented my c-drive, and cleaned every thing else I could. Just to be on the computer. I only bounced 10 emails, I was expecting a lot worse. Roscoe called me at work today and told me that our internet was back and it's all I could think about. I couldn't wait to get home and get online. I have to work tomorrow so I'm going to turn in my application first thing Thursday morning. Oh, this would be such a cool job if I get it!! |
| 2 Comments |
| Got some news... |
| 03.12.04 (10:37 am) |
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In June 2002 I graduated with a degree in forensic science. Unfortunately there have not been any jobs available in central Ohio in that field. I did some intern work for my instructor at his toxicology lab at the Columbus morgue the summer I graduated but that didn't get me far. I have been working for my father in law for the past year as an orthodontic assistent. My instructor has kept in touch with me. The past few weeks he has been telling me about a possible job opening at our local morgue. I've kind of blown it off as if it happens good, if not oh well. He called me today and the position is open. It's a part-time position. They need someone to assist with autopsies, talk to the families and...(here's the awesome part...) sometimes go to death scenes. They basically want to train someone to be a death investigator. Oh my god!!! This is what I have been waiting for the past few years. My instructor told me that I have a good edge on other applicants because 1. The coroner has known my family for YEARS 2. I interned for the crime lab while I was in school (the crime lab is in the same building as the morgue) and 3. They asked for his opinion as to who they should hire and he gave them my resume. The job will be advertised in the paper this Sunday and next Sunday. I'm so nervous. This would be great!! It's what I trained for in school. I'm not going to get my hopes up too high, because I have no idea who I would be up against. All I can do is go in there and hope for the best. But...here's the thing. I have been thinking about going back to school next year for Digital Media Design. I really enjoy being creative on the computer. So, I'm kind of torn now. |
| 3 Comments |
| Friday Five |
| 03.12.04 (9:34 am) |
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1. What was the last song you heard? "What it Feels Like For a Girl"--Madonna 2. What were the last two movies you saw? "Finding Nemo" "Miracle" 3. What were the last three things you purchased? Sugar free Red Bull, gas for the car, a pack of Orbit gum. 4. What four things do you need to do this weekend? Laundry, go to the grocery, take Andre to his friend's skating party, re-do my resume. 5. Who are the last five people you talked to? Jim (my old college instructor), Roscoe, my mom, Andre, my father-in-law. |
| 0 Comments |
| Dim Day |
| 03.11.04 (11:49 am) |
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It's kind of a nothing day. I didn't have to work but I had to babysit. Roscoe is still working long hours at his dads. I'm starting to miss him a little bit. But, I know this stuff they're working on will be over soon so it's ok. Andre and I are still having fun hanging out with each other. You know, Andre is almost 11 (he turns 11 on the 20th this month) and it still blows me away at times that he's my son. I still have those moments where I look at him and think "I am a mom! That is my son!! WOW." It's the coolest feeling. How did I create something so wonderful? Then all I can think about is how cool it's been to watch him grow up and how cool it's going to be to continue watching him grow up. I wonder what he's going to do when he grows up. I don't care what he decides to do as long as it makes him happy. I hope he's happy now. I hope I'm doing a good job at being his mom. I hope he grows up to be confident and secure with himself. I hope he feels loved everyday of his life. Being a mom is the hardest, scariest but most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. Just thought I'd share that. |
| 1 Comments |
| Single Mom |
| 03.06.04 (8:43 pm) |
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Not really, but that's what it's felt like the past week. Roscoe is still working from early morning until after midnight so I NEVER see him. It's still kind of nice. I've got a lot done. Andre and I have been hanging out together and that's been a blast. He is the funniest kid. We went to the grocery tonight, nothing exciting. I've been updating my Disney Site in between doing laundry and cleaning. You know, I never thought I could do it as a single mom, now I know I can. I thought I'd go nuts not having another adult around, but it's been fun. Not that I'm planning on becoming a single mom, but it's just nice to know. Strangly, I seem to be more productive when Roscoe isn't here. I joined the official Madonna fan club. I've been a die hard Madonna fan for as long as I can remember. I used to dress up like her for Halloween. She's been my role model. Madonna is a very smart business woman and she has a strong work ethic which I admire. Not to mention, I think she's gorgeous!! Andre thinks I'm nuts for liking her. Apparently it's not cool for 5th graders to like Madonna. He said all the kids in his class call her a freak. But Andre, you guys just aren't getting her artistic expression. Oh well, I hated my mom's music when I was growing up. I got him to be a Disney fanatic, I can't win them all. |
| 3 Comments |
| It's been nice |
| 03.04.04 (7:50 pm) |
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Well, sort of. Roscoe has been working so many hours at his dad's house helping him with some documents. I mean he goes out there at 8 in the morning and comes home at midnight. I think it's been a good thing. First of all it's good because I have Andre all to myself. I love the time we've been spending together. He asks so many questions about so many different things. Then, he has this way of explaining how he views the world. It's so cool to see the world through his eyes. It gives me a new perspective. It's also been nice because it's true what they say...absense makes the heart grow fonder. Plus, he's getting paid a lot!! That's always a good thing. I called my mom today. She told me that my sister showed up at her house Sunday. Just like nothing was wrong. Nobody has seen or heard from her since Thanksgiving and she just shows up out of the blue. She told my mom that she hasn't done any drugs for a week. Well whoopty fuckin doo. Why not? Don't you have any money to buy it? I do love my sister and it kills me to see her do this to her life, but I can only listen to this bull so much. She didn't apologize for disappearing, she didn't even ask my mom how she's doing. The last she's heard, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Luckily my mom is OK and only has one week of radiation left, but my sister didn't know that. For all she knew it could have been terminal. But she never bothered to ask. It will be interesting to see what happens next. I think I'm going to go give my son one more hug tonight. I'm getting all I can while he's not too old to love on me. |
| 1 Comments |
| Night |
| 03.03.04 (6:37 pm) |
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I would love to sit here and reflect on my day at work. I'd love to babble about the 12 year old who came into the office in shackles because he was incarcerated and the security guards who were so mean to him, or the little boy who smacked the girl who was taking his teeth impressions then punched the wall, or how there was a big bug in the office and a few of the girls screamed and ran into the other and I was shocked that they would act that unprofessional in front of patients so I stepped on the bug to get them to shut up. Yep, I'd really love to bitch about how we ordered Chinese for lunch and I got my usual (stir fry veggies and fried rice with no pork) but they put pork in the rice so I couldn't eat lunch because my veggies touched the pork rice and I'm really weird about eating food that even touched meat (EWWWWW.) But, I'm too tired, and I'm going to bed! Good night. |
| 1 Comments |
| All Grown Up |
| 03.02.04 (6:43 pm) |
| Andre's school had a skating party tonight. I went with him, I'm not one to just drop him off and run, I like to sit there and watch the kids. I could not believe my eyes tonight. Keep in mind, these were all 5th and 6th graders. First of all, they played that song where all the kids get in the middle and it tells them to stomp their feet and clap...At the part where it said "How low can you go" this one boy got down and started humping the ground. (I say "hump" because he's only in the 6th grade.) Then they played "Tootsie Roll" and that same boy started grinding with a little girl. But wait, it gets better...the little girl goes up to another little girl and they start grinding on eachother. 5th and 6th graders!! I was looking around trying to see if any of the other parents noticed, aparently not. I must be getting old or something but I was shocked. I didn't dance like that when I was that young. I didn't know how to dance like that in the 6th grade. Hell, I was still playing with Barbie in the 6th grade. They grow up so fast. |
| 2 Comments |
| What a Day |
| 03.02.04 (1:47 pm) |
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I just got home from work. It was a really crappy day. So, that means that tomorrow will be good. Isn't that the way it works? I only work two days this week. I didn't feel good this morning, I had stomach cramps. I was late for work. This girl that I work with really hurt my feelings (but it's really very trivial so I won't go into it, I think I just took something the wrong way.) I couldn't eat lunch because of my stomach cramps, we were an hour behind on seeing patients at one point...But, like I said, that means tomorrow will be a good day. At least I got to leave early because Roscoe is doing work for my father in law. The work has to be done by a certain time and someone needed to be here with Andre, so he let me come home so Roscoe can go work. He probably won't be home until 11:00 or so. This is cool. Roscoe's family is very extended. His dad is remarried to someone who has 3 daughters who all have 2 or more kids. Well, nobody knew this until a couple days ago but one of the daughters had a baby that she gave up for adoption because she already had three kids and was going through a divorce. Well, my step-mother in law got a phone call the other day from the girl who was given up for adoption. She had just turned 18 and wants to meet her family. I met her today. She's a really nice girl. She looks identical to one of her sisters, but the strange thing is, of her three sisters, one of them has a different dad and that's the one she looks like. I mean exactly a like. It's weird. This family keeps getting bigger and bigger. It's really neat though. |
| 0 Comments |
| Rainbow |
| 03.01.04 (3:40 pm) |
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Andre went outside to play and I was sitting here playing on the computer. Andre came running in yelling for me to go outside. He has something cool to show me. He wasn't kidding. Here is what I saw... Pictures moved to My Photo Blog That was out back. Then when I looked out front, I realized how gorgeous the sunset was... Pictures moved to My Photo Blog |
| 3 Comments |
| I'm in a Disney mood. |
| 03.01.04 (9:47 am) |
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Can ya tell? I've been playing around with my Disney Site and it got me in a Disney mood. Plus, twice in the past week Roscoe has mentioned something about going to WDW in June. We're pretty lucky when we go because my father in law owns a time share about a mile from the Magic Kingdom. So, we get to stay for free in an awesome time share with a full kitchen and free laundry facilities. Now I'm all anxious. I wanna go!!! It's my favorite place to go on vacation. I'm such a Disney freak. Poor Andre is probably getting to that age where it's not cool to go to Disney World. He has fun, there's a few rides there he HAS to ride over and over... Hey, maybe I can talk Roscoe in to going on my birthday so I can wear a pin all day that says "It's my Birthday" and get all kinds of special treatment. I'm such a kid. |
| 0 Comments |
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